Mondays with Heidi

I'm thankful for…wonderful friends & family who made the trip here to celebrate Ben’s birthday on Saturday! I’m also thankful for the wonderful family that just couldn’t make it because they are 1000s of miles awayJ…and for my family who loaned us their house to use for the party…and for my sisters who couldn’t make it. All in all…I’m thankful for both of our families & all our friendsJ I’m also so thankful for everyone who prayed for me on Wednesday…God lifted my anxiousness & replaced it with excitement. I think I was able to tell the Easter story clearly…and everyone had fun!
I'm listening to…kids…I should turn some music on…there, now I’m listening to Speechless by Steven Curtis Chapman.
What's for supper tonight…I think I should do this blog every day just for this one! It forces me to think ahead what I’m going to make & then I actually make supper on timeJ I’m going to make taco salad…quick, easy, & everyone loves it!

Highlights from last week…The kids had a blast at the Science Center. Manda was so proud to go to her very own class about the senses. Benjamin went to a class about magnets. We all watched the movie “Fly me to the Moon”…best one we’ve seen there yet! Wednesday was the Kid Connection party…it went great! It was a bit chaotic & there are a few things I would change…but that’s how we learnJ Ben & I went on a date Thursday night for his birthday. We enjoyed our nearly free dinner & movieJ Friday the kids & I went to a friends house to play. The kids had a blast, it’s been too long since they got together! Saturday was the surprise party that apparently wasn’t much of a surpriseL…oh well…I still surprised him by inviting some friends of his from high school that he hasn’t seen in ages (thanks for coming Darren, Mark, & Ken!!!) Last night we went to an Easter play the pastors put on. It was a bit tedious for Manda & Kirby, but Benjamin enjoyed it & it was fun to get out.
What I'm looking forward to…hmmmm…last week I sooooo badly wanted to write about Ben’s surprise party here…but he reads my blog so I couldn’t…now I’m not sureJ I’m looking forward to Easter…doing fun things with the kids & helping it come alive to them. Also looking forward to supper with the Kid Connection leaders…and no kids!

What's happening this week…Not too much, it’ll be a treatJ…I get to have an adult only supper with the Kid Connection leaders…& a meeting with Pastor Kent to talk about Kid Connection for next year…might be taking some pictures on Saturday…not sure…& doing something special with Benjamin for his special day!
I am missing…having Ben cribbing. We are soooo grateful for the work he’s had this winter, but it’s just not the same…and it’s running out…and we have big bills coming up…Lord help me to trust!

Mondays with Heidi

I'm thankful for…the quiet day at home that we had yesterday. We had a couple of Sundays in a row that were busy & we just don’t do well when Sundays are busy…so it was nice to have a quiet one again.
I'm listening to…Benjamin & Kirby playing hockey in the hallway…Manda chatting with me.
What's for supper tonight…Leftover curry made with moose roast given to us by Ben’s parents.
What I'm looking forward to…the last Kid Connection for this year on Wednesday…we’re doing the Easter story & having a “Jesus is Alive” party with the parents…it’s going to be exciting! I’m going to miss the kids through the summer…but it’ll be really nice to have a bit more time to get other things done.
What's happening this week…Tomorrow the kids & I are going to the Telus World of Science in Calgary for their homeschool day…the kids love it there & it’s super cheap for homeschool day…it’ll be funJ Today & Wednesday will are busy with prep for the Kid Connection party…Thursday is the birthday date…Friday we’re hoping to get together with friends for a playdate…Saturday…I’ll have to talk to Ben…that’s his birthdayJ
I am missing…my oven. Our oven really heats up the house, so this is usually the time of year I bake cookies & muffins & put them in the freezer…but our oven hasn’t been working for a month or two now…can’t rememberJ…so I haven’t been able to. I hope we can get it fixed soon so I can get some stuff in the freezer before it gets too warm.

A Saturday with Heidi

I'm thankful for…the basement that Ben poured yesterday & is stripping today…it’s the first one he’s done since the beginning of January & I loved the look on his face when he came home the last few nightsJ

I'm listening to…the kids watching a movie

What's for supper tonight…It is a very rare day that I plan supper this early in the day…maybe this will help me plan ahead more. I do have chicken in the fridge…I think I’ll make fajitas…chicken, peppers, onions stir fried with teriyaki sauce & served with sour cream…a favorite of ours

What I'm looking forward to…taking Ben out for supper & a movie on Thursday to celebrate his 30^th birthday! I’m especially it’s excited that it’s nearly a free date because we have free movie coupons & Ben gets a free meal for his birthday!

What's happening this week…We went to Calgary on Tuesday for Ben’s eye appointment & had an adventure…Manda got carsick a half hour from home…no extra clothes & we had to spend the whole day in Calgary. It was really cute to see her running around Walmart wearing Ben’s hoodie that came down to her knees while we looked for some clothes for herJ

I am missing…spring. It really felt like spring about a week ago & the kids & I were sooooo enjoying it. Now it’s not hugely cold, but it keeps on snowing & there’s still more snow in the forecast.

Finally!

Well, I’ve been terrible at blogging lately! There were a number of times when I really wanted to write & then didn’t get the chance…then I started avoiding it because there was too much to write about…and now here we are at the point where I know I can’t sit here & catch up the last 2 months…so I’ll just have to start again & live with it…drives me crazy not to be organized & have everything there for youJ.

Anyways…I’m going to start something new that will hopefully help me keep up a little better. I got this idea from a friend of mine who was kind enough to allow me to steal itJ...I’ve really enjoyed reading hers & find that the headings allow for sharing a lot of different thoughts & happenings. Thanks Kristy! From now on I’ll do my best to write in that format every Monday…that way you have a bit of an update of what’s been happening. I may end up changing the day if Mondays aren’t working, but I will do my best to write every week. If we do something special or there’s something else I want to write about then I’ll add those in as time allows, but hopefully this way you at least have an updateJ. Without further ado, I’m going to write one today to catch you up a bitJ

Realizations...never ending learning

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I have been reminded again & again that I will never get it all right…that I will always be learning…often times the same thing over & over! I read something today that was very profound to me…not because I’ve never heard it before, but because it’s exactly what I’ve been thinking about, struggling with, praying about, & striving for in the last few months.

“Clearly , God intended for the marriage relationship to be the most intimate and significant. However, he did not intend for it to be the only relationship.”

I finally clued in to my own emotions a couple of weeks ago, realizing that I had become dependent on Ben to fulfill all of my needs. This of course resulted in frustration as it is not possible for him to ever meet all my needs…that’s not the way God made him! I have been attempting to retrain my brain…reminding myself that Ben can’t be everything for me…but my Heavenly Father can! I know that part of the reason I’ve been struggling with this is because my 2 closest friends moved away within 2 months of each other at the end of 2008. I don’t have near the opportunity to talk to either one & I’ve really missed that! When they moved I suddenly started expecting Ben to have longer, deeper conversations…trying to fill that gap. I’ve realized now (something I knew before, but has become real again) that it is so important for me to have those girlfriends. Thus brings struggle #2…how do I just go out & quick make a new friend who I can share my heart with (without feeling like I’m replacing those friends)…and what do I do to fill that gap in the meantime?

“The strength and resolve of a godly wife comes through one thing: she depends on her Heavenly Father to meet her deepest needs.” That sentence feels like a lifeline to me right now…I know I desperately want to grab on & not let go…but there are days when I feel like it’s slipping through my fingers. I know it will be a constant learning process…but that’s what I’m aiming for…complete dependence on my Papa in heaven…not on Ben. Don’t get me wrong…I love Ben with all my heart & I know that God will use him to fulfill many of those needs in my life…but I can’t expect him to be there for me 24/7 physically, mentally, emotionally, & spiritually…only God can do that!

A dear friend once told me…actually has reminded me a couple of times because I forget so easilyJ…that “it is not my job to improve & fix my mistakes. I simply cannot do that on my own! It is only by His grace that I improve & only then is He given the glory. It is an insult to Him for me to strive so hard to be a good child of God.” When I first read that I thought it sounded for strange…but the more I have thought about it, the more sense it makes. God just wants me to give my heart to Him & allow Him to work in & through me. I can’t do it on my own anyway…and when I keep trying to do it on my own, I’m saying by my actions, that no I won’t let God work in me. That doesn’t mean I just sit down & not do anything about it…but it does mean I shouldn’t be stressing about it, but rather continually giving it to Him & allowing Him to lead me.

This paragraph sums it all up for me. “Ultimately, it is not a prince on a white horse who will rescue a woman from her pain, depression, and anxiety. It is a loving God who is the Savior. He knows the needs that He has created within each woman. Only He holds the key to meeting her deepest needs for intimacy, security, & worth. He may choose to meet many of those needs through her husband. The Lord will meet the needs of those who seek Him. He will reward the righteousness of a woman who depends upon Him.”

Wow Lord. I’m so glad you haven’t given up on me! Feels sometimes like I can’t ever get my life figured out. Thank you Jesus that I can trust you to meet my needs. Please help me to trust you fully with that…each & every day! Teach me to depend on You…and help me to glorify You through all that I am. Thank you Jesus for loving me no matter what!