This is the raw & basically uneditted version of how my trip to Mexico came to be for those of you who are interested. I’ll be posting about the trip in the next while.
August 5, 2010
I got an email from Shelli Neufeld about a month ago, one of our missionaries in Mexico asking me if I'd be interested in going down there to help with a ladies retreat in February. Immediate reaction, absolutely. A, because I really want to see Sheri Elliott (very close friend whose family also moved to Mexico as missionaries)...haven't seen her for over a year & a half. B, because I've been thinking about going on a mission's trip for a while (although I had been thinking of going as a family). It’s not that I didn’t want to go for the sake of the ladies retreat, it’s just the feeling of wanting to see Sheri was so overwhelming that I had a hard time thinking beyond that. BUT...I knew I couldn't go just because I want to see Sheri...I needed to know that God wanted me on THIS trip. No worries. It's not till February, I'll spend some time praying about it.
Fast forward to about 6:00 last night. Got home from working on VBS at the church. Checked email. Sheri Elliott...Shelli asked me to let you know that she messed up the month for the mission’s trip...it’s actually in September. What!? Now I’m starting to panic. Seriously REALLY want to see Sheri, but still feel like I can’t just go because of that. Besides, Manda has her ND appt the day I’m supposed to leave (& I have a friend going with us with her son that I’m supposed to be there for). I have nobody to watch the kids. I barely have a month to raise the money. I don’t even have a passport! So really it seems impossible...but I know it’s not. Pull out my Bible & look up impossible in the concordance. I knew the obvious one that would come up & wanted the reference. Thought about that one & knew that of course if God wanted it to happen He would work it all out. Glanced at the other verses under “impossible”. Looked up Hebrews 11:6. Who knows how many times I’ve read that chapter...how could I have not seen that before!? (I love that about God...that He’ll show us exactly what we need, when we need it!). “And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.”
Here’s what I wrote in my prayer journal after I read that:
So if I want to please you, I must have faith. So I need to scrap all my questions & humanly impossibilites & trust you. I need to believe that you are who you say you are. That you can do what you say you can do. I need to trust that you do reward those who seek you...and that maybe, just maybe you are allowing me to have a chance to see Sheri just because you love me & I have been trying to seek you in this. Yet Lord, I’ve done a lowsy job of seeking you about a lot of other things. Please forgive me. Please help me to know you more. To want you more. Thank you that your grace is sufficient for that lack.
The more time I spent praying & thinking about it last night, the more clear it became to me: A, that I needed to step out in faith, trusting that if it wasn’t His will then He would close the door. B, that He does know the desires of my heart...and He cares about them...and that He’s allowed to allow me the opportunity to see Sheri if He wants toJ!
Jesus, I CHOOSE to have faith because I want so much to please you! I CHOOSE to believe that you are who you say you are! I CHOOSE to believe that you are a rewarder of those who seek you.
So that’s where it stands right now. I am stepping forward in faith, trusting that if this is God’s will then He will work out all the details.
I would really appreciate your prayer:
***That if this is indeed God’s plan, that He would work out all the seemingly impossible details in a way that makes it incredibly clear that HE is the one working!
***That God would be preparing my heart for what He has to teach me while I’m there.
***That God would be preparing the hearts of the ladies we’ll be working with.
***That God would place all the people in place that He wants there (all the ladies Shelli asked to go received the wrong month, so everyone is in the same boat as me).
***That I would be able to change Amanda’s appt (not easy to do as she’s only in Canada for a week or less & is usually booked solid)...and be able to still be there for my friend & her son (which means being able to change both of our appts).
***That we’d be able to figure out the perfect solution for the kids while I’m gone (Ben is supposed to be doing a condo at this time...south of Calgary).
***That my passport would come through in time.
***That I’d be able to raise the support I need in time.
***For continued peace that this is where God wants me.
***For peace as I think about leaving Ben & the kids for that long (1 week)...and being able to trust that they can survive without meJJ.
***That I’d be able to do all I need to in the midst of all the VBS stuff I have to do in the next week. It feels like a lot right now with only VBS let alone adding all of that.
***That I’m getting an opportunity to fulfill 2 dreams: seeing Sheri & doing a mission’s trip!
***That God has not & will not change...He is who He says He is & I can trust Him.
***That God cares about those deep aches & desires in our hearts.
***For God’s guidance through His word.