October 11, 2010...

One year ago today...

...I was feeling so good about being ready to head home for BC early so we wouldn’t get home too late.

...I was working while the kids slept.

...I nearly had the van loaded.

...I heard my ankle snap...and felt the extreme pain.

...I was laying in the hospital in Vernon waiting for surgery.

...my ankle was snapped in 2 places.

...I wished my Thanksgiving weekend didn’t have to end that way.

...I wished Ben could be with me.

...I struggled with how much our lives were going to change.

BUT...even more than those wishes...I was sooo thankful (& still am!)...

...that the kids didn’t see me go down.

...that I could get ahold of Ben before I went to the hospital.

...that my parents were there with me!

...that my mom was willing to stay in BC for an extra week just to take care of me & the kids!!

...that my aunt & uncle allowed us to continue staying with them.

...for the amazing memories Uncle Wilf & Auntie Pearl made with my kids!

...for my wonderful day nurse Yolanda...I wish I had a way to thank you & tell you how much you encouraged me!

...for my very own personal nurse (Pearl!) once I got to their house.

...that God was working in my heart during that time!!!

...for all the friends & family that were praying for me & our family during that time!

...for everyone who brought us meals & helped me with things around the house!

If you’d like to read the whole story, it’s here:  http://bhwerdalfamily.blogspot.com/2010/11/thanksgiving-2010no-accident.html

When we went to BC this summer, I took a picture of the house we were staying at last year.  Our van was parked almost exactly where that black vehicle is (maybe just a wee bit further forward)...so you can imagine me laying behind itJ.

As this weekend approached, I told Ben I felt like having a party.  He thought I was a little nutsJ.  “Wouldn’t you rather just forget that?”  I know what he means...but I am so thankful for where this year has brought us.  So although I don’t think there’ll be a physical party tonight...there’s one going on in my heartJ.

Thank you Lord...

...that I can walk without a limp.

...for walking beside me through that emotional rollercoaster.

...for teaching me to slow down...it has made this fall so much easier!

...for drawing me closer to you!

Yes, that day a year ago changed our lives...for the better!  It was hard...very hard at times...but God brought us through.  So today...the day after Thanksgiving...I am reflecting & don’t want to forget these things that God did for us last year.  I also wanted to take a moment to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who was there for us in that time...from when I very first fell...till I was recovered here at home.  I want to name you all, but I’m so scared I’ll forget someone...so THANK YOU!!!!  Please know that every one of you was such a blessing to us!!

A good book...and lots to think about...

Today was supposed to be a day to tackle at least one thing on my seemingly never ending list of things to catch up.  The kids slept in this morning so I decided to use my quiet moments to read for a bit before I tackled a project (I knew the kids needed the sleep & didn’t want to wake them up by making noise).  Instead of reading a couple of chapters, I sat & read the book cover to cover...and now I’m sitting here writing!  I guess this will be another unproductive dayJ.

The book?  One that I ordered from Focus on the Family probably 3 years ago...maybe more.  When I saw it, I knew right away that I wanted to read it because I LOVE biographies.  When the book came in the mail though, I had a sense (thanks Lord!) that I shouldn’t read it yet.  One of my greatest fears (I have a feeling I’m not the only one) is of something happening to my family.  I just can’t imagine losing one of them...let alone all of them...and that’s what this book is about.  I knew that if I read it, it would only bring that fear to the forefront & make me worry about my own family.  I put it on the bookshelf....and it sat there till this last weekend.  We were getting ready to go camping & I was looking for a book to bring along.  I thought I might be ready to read it now, so I brought it along.  We stayed so busy camping & fishing that I didn’t have time to even open a book....so I decided to start it this morning.  But now I’m getting ahead of myself!  Let me backtrack for a minute.

This summer started out really crazy for me....REALLY crazy.  I was heading up the VBS at our church & it took a lot out of me.  Don’t get me wrong, I love doing it...but it’s a LOT of work!  Shortly before VBS started a good friend of mine wrote this blog post & it really hit home.  I too was exhausted & overwhelmed.  I was running in every direction trying to spread myself as thin as I could to make all the different “ends” meet....hubby, kids, housework (necessities ONLY), VBS...but I wasn't thin enough to cover everything!  I knew it shouldn’t (& I didn’t want it to) be that way.  My family needs to be my priority...not the ones getting the leftovers!  

Jodi’s post really challenged & encouraged me to make not only my family a priority, but to make sure I look after myself too.  Reading a book.  Going for a bike ride.  Locking myself in my room so I can have devotions.  Putting my feet up.  Enjoying the sunshine.  Laughing with my kids.  Going on a date with my hubby.  I want to pay attention to the warning signs & refocus instead of waiting till I’m hanging on by a thread!  At the end of her post Jodi asked what we wanted to be able to “say we did” this summer.  This is the list I came up with at the time:

v Taking kids to the river.

v Reading a book to challenge me (Fearless).

v Tea with friends.

v Read aloud books to my kids.

v Family camping trips.

v Time spent getting to know the Lord better.

v Spending quality time with each of the kids, encouraging & challenging them.

At the end of August if someone asks me what I did this summer, I don't want to say, "Well, I caught up the housework, did bookwork, prepared for Kid's Rock, got ready to start school in the fall & finished wrapping up my VBS stuff."  Yes, all those things need to be done...but if they are so much at the forefront that I can't think of what else we did then I have a problem! 

I read Jodi’s post only 9 days before VBS started.  I knew I needed to just get through VBS...but at that point I committed to taking a week after VBS to do very, very little.  Hang out at home with my kids...read a book...just be.  By the time VBS was done...I was DONE...and I was sooo thankful for that weekJ.  It was a WONDERFUL week.  At the end of it, I realized a week wasn’t enoughJ...we did nearly the same thing the next week!  This week I was supposed to try & get back into the swing of things, but I’m having a really hard time doing it...and that book didn’t help me any!

No, I didn’t tell you all about the book for nothingJ.  You see I’ve had all this on my mind for a month now...so as I read this morning it just brought it all back.  The book is called “Into the Deep” by Robert Rogers.  It’s the story of how he lost his family & how he dealt with it.  Like I said, you need a box of kleenex!  On the front cover it says, “One man’s story of how tragedy took his family but could not take his faith.”  It’s phenomenally sad, yet at the same time sooo inspiring.  I don’t want to go into detail because I think you should read the bookJ...but the back cover of the book sums it up well, “Robert’s moving story will challenge you to live a life of ‘no regrets,’ to cherish your loved ones, & to live life to the fullest.”  The thing that he now stresses to people through his ministry is just that...to live life to the fullest with no regrets & to cherish your family. 

This was confirmation in my mind of what I’ve been processing since I read Jodi’s post.  I NEED to make my family a priority.  I don’t know yet what that will look like...maybe there’s something I need to give up, maybe part of it will just be a change in mindset, or maybe I just need to rearrange things & have a plan in my mind...but somehow it HAS to happen!  Lord please give me wisdom.  Make it very clear to me, where YOU want me to spend my time & energy.  You have given me such amazing kids to look after here on earth & I want to be the mom for them that you want me to be!  I want to be a supportive wife for Ben.  Jesus guide me!

I have no idea how long I’ll be on this earth...or how long my kids or hubby (or extended family or friends for that matter) will be here...it’s not my job to know that or worry about it...but I do need to use the time that I do have with them wisely.  I want to make memories with my kids.  I want to get to know my hubby better (no, I still don’t know everything about him after 11 yearsJ).  I want to grow closer to my Lord Jesus!  I want to be a blessing to people around me.  I want to make a difference in people’s lives!

So has today been an unproductive day?  Nope.  I read a book, cuddled with my kids, spent time with the Lord & have loved listening to my kids play together...I think it’s a very productive day!  If only every day could be this simpleJ. 

Here’s my struggle.  Now that I’m in relaxing mode...I don’t really want to come out of it!  Yet like I said, I have an endless list of things to catch up.  So where is the balance?  How do I try & catch up on things this summer...at the same time as doing family stuff...at the same time as taking care of myself...at the same time as trying to get ready for the fall?!?!  I know this is probably something that many, many moms (& dads) struggle with...it’s just become very real for me today. 

A Humbling Lesson

I’ve had a LOT of blog posts running through my head lately.  Some about what we’ve been up to about family...but more about things I’ve been thinking about...things I’ve been working through...struggles I’ve been having...that kind of thing.  I can’t do them all in one day.  And quite honestly, some will probably never happen, but I wanted to start with this story from last Sunday.

Amanda & I headed out shortly after church to go to my good friend, Kim’s baby shower!  Baby showers have become something that Amanda & I almost always do together.  I needed to pick up a few things in Red Deer afterward since we’d be really close & we decided to combine it all & do Amanda’s special night at the same time.  

We were thrilled to meet Makaio at the shower...

And I was very happy to catch up with a couple of friends from highschool...Kim (Makaio’s mom) & Ida!

After picking up what we needed, Manda wanted to go to Edo Japan for supper.  Yes it’s fast food.  But it’s her favourite because there are cooked carrots in the teryaki chickenJ.  For a while now she’s been taking one or more of her babies (she has 3) everywhere & often treating it like a real baby.  She was soooo  thrilled to see that they had highchairs there for her to put her baby in!

I finally convinced her that “baby boy” (can’t remember what his name is!) would probably love carrots just as much as she does & that she should let him try one tooJ.  She thought it was quite funnyJ.

The only other request she had was to play tag together.  I wasn’t sure how that would work with our dress shoes & nice clothes on, but she really wanted to so I decided to find a green area...and ended up finding an amazing park.  She was thrilled to once again be able to take baby out with her (she loves taking the stroller everywhere to push her babies in).  As she was putting her baby in the stroller she told me that the reason he had been laying on the back seat of the van is that he had fallen asleep while we were eating supper.  I asked if she wanted to leave him sleeping.  She assured me that he would stay sleeping in the stroller if she laid him down a little & gave him his "friend" (stuffed animal)J.

 

As we walked up to the park we saw this neat little "cove" with a very cool tree.  Perfect opportunity for a picture togetherJ!

Between the swings & the very large park, she kept so busy that we both completely forgot about tag, but it doesn’t matter...Manda had a blastJ.  She wanted to put baby on the swing, but I reminded her that she might not want to wake him up.  She assured me that he was awake now & would love to go on the swingJ.

Whenever we’re out late, I like the kids to be in pjs so that when we get home I can just throw them in bed.  I had decided not to bring pjs along this time because I wanted to buy Amanda a nighty.  May sound strange, but she’s never had one before...always shorts or pants.  Well, we got to Walmart & they didn’t have a single one.  As we were about to leave we walked past the ladies ones & I thought the small might be able to work...and just be long.  Well, I didn`t account for how wide the neckline is...but she thought it was a hoot & loved having itJ.

For those of you who read my status’ on facebook...here’s the story I was referring to when I said, “Fear of picking up a drunk man late at night...versus...the innocent comment of a 7 year old Amanda.  Which do you think won??”

By the time we headed home it was between 10:30 & 11...and getting dark quickly.  We turned off at our exit (for those around here it was the exit by Bowden to go to Olds).  Just as I was exiting (along with a couple other cars at the same time) I saw out of the corner of my eye what looked like someone waving their arms.  I looked again & there was someone in the “V” between the highway & the exit waving their arms.  I automatically slowed down to make sure they didn’t need help.  As I rolled down my window, I was starting to double guess my choice to stop.  Someone waving their arms seemed to need help...and the compassion in me wanted to help...but the common sense in me said that I never stopped to pick someone up when it was only me in the vehicle...and having Amanda with me almost made it worse!  He started running toward me & I called out asking if he needed help...hoping to get an answer before he got too close.  He didn’t respond the first time so I asked again.  Continuing to run toward me he said, “I just need a ride into Olds”.  Shoot...now what Lord?  It’s really not wise for me to pick up a drunk man (I could tell right away that he was drunk) with only me & Amanda in the vehicle!  

Well...I panicked.  I didn’t know what to do.  He was still 10 or 12 yards away.  I said, “I’m sorry, I can’t do that...and drove away.”  Almost immediately I felt a tugging on my heart.  Did I do the right thing?  Should I have picked him up & trusted you to keep us safe God?  You know you can trust Me Heidi.  What if I wanted to use you in his life?  But Lord I have Amanda in the van with me...I have to make a wise choice to keep her safe too!  You don’t think I want Amanda to stay safe too?  Of course I do Lord...  Then show me with your actions.  Are You saying You want me to turn around & go back Lord?  Maybe someone else already picked him up.  I drove for probably a full 5 km with all this going through my head.  Finally, I pulled over.  I knew I had to make a decision.  As I stopped, I prayed, Lord please make it very clear to me if You are wanting me to turn around & go back.  I want to follow You Lord!  Within seconds of praying that prayer Amanda spoke up behind me (she had been just getting herself cozied into sleep & I had told her kind of what was going on & why I wasn’t sure if I should stop).  “Mommy, that’s a long ways to walk if nobody else picks him up.”  She didn’t say it as a guilt trip or really excitedly or with conviction...just a matter of fact statement...that’s a long way to walk.  OK Lord, I hear You loud & clear...I’m turning around.  Does that mean I’m supposed to pick him up?  I guess if he’s still there, then the answer is ’yes ’...and if he’s not, then You just wanted me to show I was willing to obey.  Either way Lord, I’m just trusting You. 

As you may have guessed, he was still there.  My heart was pounding in my chest.  Lord give me the words to say.  Help me to be Your light!  I stopped & started to apologize, but he pretty much ignored me & just came around the van to get in.  OK Lord now I’m even more nervous...seems like he’s not all there.  Give me peace.  Help me not to worry.  I started again once he got in...found out his name is Jeff...and apologized.  I explained that I had panicked because it was just my daughter & I & it was late.  He assured me, through heavily scented breath that he wasn’t ’that guy’ & that we were safe to pick him up.  He brought this up probably 4 times before I dropped him off (about 15 minutes I think)...assuring me that I didn’t need to worry & that he wouldn’t do anything.  At one point he patted a paper bag under his sweater & let me know ’this isn’t a gun’.  Not sure if that was more reassuring or not...

Anyway...we didn’t talk about anything really deep.  I mostly just tried to keep talking with him & let him know I cared.  At one point he let me know that he goes to church too (not sure how he knew that I do...maybe the music playing).  We talked about that for a bit.  He hinted a number of times about not wanting to talk about certain things with Amanda there (when he patted the paper bag under his sweater he said out loud that it wasn’t a gun...but then tried to whisper to me that it was alcohol & he didn’t want her to know that)...he wanted her to go home & say that he was a good guy & hadn’t treated her mom badly.  Overall, there wasn’t any ’WOW ’ conversation.  Maybe if I was better at thinking on my feet I could have had a better talk with him.  I thought of a few things afterward that I could have said.  I can’t regret it though because I was being obedient.  I just pray that something about us picking him up will nag at him & make him realize that there’s more to life than where he’s headed.  

Although I pray that in some way we could have had an impact in Jeff’s life...I think the bigger lesson in it all was meant for me.  I am so glad that I allowed the simple innocence in Amanda’s words to override the fear I was feeling.  I need to be willing to step out of my comfort zone to allow Jesus to use me.  No, that doesn’t mean I should be foolish...but if He is asking me to do it then I have no reason to fear.  Thank you Lord for speaking to me through Amanda.  It was so humbling to hear Your words through her!  Please help me not to forget that...the innocent trust of a child just wanting to do what’s right.  Teach me Lord Jesus!

Prayer for a Friend

I just had to share this song.  It’s called “Prayer for a Friend” by Casting Crowns.  I’ve listened to it before, but hadn’t heard it in a while.  Nearly every time I hear it though, it brings tears to my eyes.  It automatically brings some very dear friends to mind...and speaks of my longing to bring them to my Father.  Not all the words fit exactly...there aren’t necessarily any “circumstances” or wrong decisions in...it’s just the whole tone of the song to me is a longing to bring those who are dear to our Father. 

I put my iPod on shuffle today & when this song came on tears immediately came to my eyes.  God has laid a number of friends on my heart in the last few weeks...who I’ve thought of nearly constantly...and today I prayed this song twice for them...lifting them up to Jesus!

Struggle & encouragement

For those of you who read my blog & have wished I’d post more, it’s your lucky day...you get 2 blogs in one dayJ.  This spring has been an emotional rollercoaster for me.  With only one basement so far in 2011...we’ve been relying heavily on finding other work to try & pay the bills.  The key word here is try.  God has provided work for us in numerous ways.  We’ve also had numerous weeks with no work.  The combination of less work, working by the hour, & still being behind from last year because of the economy, has felt like a slow death.  It hits me in waves.  Some days I don’t think about it much & feel peace about it.  Other days I feel like I’m drowning.  Discouragement & hopelessness overwhelms me & I struggle to breathe.  I have been extremely thankful for friends who have helped hold me up on those days.  We definitely appreciate your prayers if God lays us on your heart.

Yesterday afternoon I was listening to music & when this song came on I couldn’t stop the tears from running down my cheeks.  I think it was God speaking directly to me & I just had to share itJ. 

Believe Me Now

Steven Curtis Chapman

I watch you looking out across the raging water
So sure your only hope lies on the other side
You hear the enemy that's closing in around you
And I know that you don't have the strength to fight
But do you have the faith to stand and...

Believe Me now
Believe Me here
Remember all the times I've told you loud and clear
I am with you and I am for you
So believe Me now
Believe Me now

I am the One who waved my hand and split the ocean
I am the One who spoke the words and raised the dead
And I've loved you long before I set the world in motion
I know all the fears you're feeling now
But do you remember who I am?
Do you..

Believe Me now
Believe Me here
Remember all the times I've told you loud and clear
I am with you
And I am for you

So believe Me now
Believe it's true

I never have, I never will abandon you
And the God that I have always been
I will forever be
So believe Me now 

I am the God who never wastes a single hurt that you endure
My words are true, and all My promises are sure
So believe Me now
Oh, believe Me now

A side note...I believe this has been more of a struggle for me since I’ve started doing Lent with the kids.  A month ago I still had days when I struggled, but nothing like what it’s been lately.  I fully believe that Satan is not happy about us drawing closer to God & he’s doing whatever he can to stop it! 

Closer to HIM

I’ve had this update floating in my head for a while now, but haven’t had a chance to write it.  I wanted to give you an update on how Lent is going for the kids & I.  Like I explained in my last post, the kids are switching what they’re giving up each 10 days.  The first “segment” was sweets.  When I first told them about Lent & that we were going to do it together they weren’t all that impressed.  I second guessed myself a little...yet I really felt like God was asking me to do it with them, so I pressed forward.  It was about the middle of last week when I asked them how they felt it was going & what they were learning.  Almost immediately they all agreed on one thing...that they had learned that sweets weren’t that big a deal.  They hadn’t thought about it that much.  Made my heart soarJ.  Not that that’s the ultimate goal here, but it was a start. 

Along with Lent we’ve been working through a book together called “Seek God for the City”.  The idea is, that there are people all over the world praying for the same things on the same day...and that by the end of it, we will have prayed for everyone on earth.  Each day it gives us about 5 countries to pray for...along with a “category” of people (teachers, men, homeless, etc)...and a few ways to pray for people in our community.  It is 40 days of prayer (Ash Wednesday to Palm Sunday) for our community & the rest of the world.  There is a kid’s version of the book as well which I love.  The kids & I have been working through it together each day...and I’m thrilled with the outcome.  Not only are we praying together...which is wonderful in itself...but I’ve really noticed a change in the way the kids pray.

I’ve struggled for a while now about how to teach the kids to pray...really pray.  Not just saying the same thing night after night.  I’m not saying that we shouldn’t repeat things...but I want them to pray from their hearts...not just saying some words they’ve memorized over time.  Well, we seem to have taken one small step in that direction & it’s so fun to hearJ.  After we read through the “Seek God” thoughts for the day, I give each of the kids something different to pray about.  It seems that having to think about that extra thing & remember it, has made them think more about what they’re saying.  Whatever it is, I’m just so excited to see that little step forward.  It has encouraged my heart this week...and confirmed that I am indeed doing the right thing in doing all this with them. 

Jesus please continue to use these weeks leading up to Easter to draw us closer to You.  Make Yourself real to the kids Lord.  Help them to know Your love for them.  Help them to understand who it is they’re talking to when they pray.  Give me wisdom as I do this with them.  Give me words to say when they have questions.  Help me to know when to explain something & when to just let Your Holy Spirit work in their hearts.  Work in my heart too Lord.  I want to grow closer to You.  I want to know  You more.  I love you Lord!

A Little Update & Some Thoughts

I know it’s been much too long since I wrote...but I don’t think I’m even going to apologizeJ.  Feeling guilty won’t make me write more...so I’m just going to enjoy this opportunity to write again.  I’ve been kept very busy with being a mom, doing bookwork, running a household...and homeschooling.  This year has been a bit more of an adjustment than I expected.  Suddenly teaching all 3 kids & needing to keep them all busy has definitely pushed my ability to multi taskJ.  I am however, thoroughly enjoying it.  Having my kids home & being able to be a part in those everyday parts of their lives...I just love itJ. 

Did you grow up giving up something for lent?  Or maybe seeing your parents do that each year?  I didn’t.  I don’t remember ever hearing about it or...once I did hear about it...understanding what it was...until sometime after we got married.  I’m not saying that’s a bad thing...that’s just not something that was a part of our family.  Or maybe it was & I totally don’t remember!  At first I only understood it to be a Catholic tradition & didn’t think much of it.  In the last few years I’ve come to realize that many Christians use lent as way to draw closer to God.  No, it’s not Biblical, but I really like the idea of giving something up in order to focus on my relationship with Him.  I never knew how people knew when lent started...and I would only hear about it the day it was starting.  In my mind I used that as an excuse not to do it the last couple of years.  Really there’s no reason I couldn’t have started a day or two late!  Anyway...all that to say that I’m going to do it this year...and I’m really excited about it.

I’ve been thinking for a while now that I wanted to deepen my relationship with the Lord...but have felt kind of lost as to how to go about it.  Or maybe I just felt like I didn’t have motivation.  I know that sounds terrible.  If He’s #1 in my life then He should be motivation enough.  I know that...and I guess that’s why I knew something needed to change.  I just wasn’t sure how to go about it.  I also feel strongly that I haven’t been setting a very good example for the kids.  Not that I’ve been doing anything terrible...it’s more what I haven’t been doing.  How am I supposed to pass on to them a passionate love for Jesus...if they never see that in me?  Benjamin is already 9 (yikes!)...and they say that we only have till they’re 12 to really influence them...till they start looking at all the “options” & weighing them out themselves.  That means I only have 3 more years...double yikes!  So what kind of view of a relationship with Jesus will Benjamin have?  What have I passed on to him (& the other kids)?  Yes we do devotions together (although I have to admit it’s not always daily), yes we pray together daily, yes we have many, many God related discussions (one of my favorite parts of homeschooling)...but really what have I shown them about what it really means to have a RELATIONSHIP with JESUS CHRIST?? 

This is something I’ve been pondering & wrestling with for a few months now...but it hit home again on Sunday.  Pastor Kent has been preaching through a series called “Not a Fan”.  In a nutshell it’s about the difference between being a fan & a follower of Jesus.  It’s easy to be a fan...but I want to be a follower.  In the video clip he showed on Sunday it talked of a father whose daughter had walked away from her faith.  The father wasn’t asking “why”?  Instead he made this statement, “We raised her in the church, but we didn’t raise her in Christ.”  This statement put into words what I’ve been feeling the last few months.  Yes our kids go to church nearly every Sunday & we do all that other stuff...but how on earth do we truly teach them who Jesus is & what it means to have a real relationship with Him?  If you’re hoping for an answer you’re in the wrong placeJ.  I definitely don’t have one.  But I do know what I’m going to do to start.

The kids & I will be doing lent together this year.  It’ll be a first for all of us & I pray that we can all learn something from it.  Based on some online research & what my “gut” says I’m going to break up the time for the kids.  40 days is a long time for kids to give up one thing...and I think would be setting them up for failure.  So we’re going to break it up into 10 day segments, giving up something different each 10 days.  I haven’t figured out just how we’ll arrange it yet, but sweets & screen time will be in the mix.  In order to do somewhat the same thing as them so that they don’t feel like I’m asking something of them that I won’t do...I’m going to give up 2 things.  I know it’s a big step from never having done lent before...but I really feel God asking me to do this.  I’m going to give up sweets...and I’m going to give up my “during the day” facebook time.  That may seem half hearted...not to give up facebook altogether...but it’s really a huge sacrifice for me.  Since I’m home all day with the kids, I’m quite used to checking facebook 15-20 times a day.  I won’t be on for long, but I’m on often.  Anytime I sit down at the computer to look something up for the kids, I check facebook.  So I’m going to limit myself to once a day for a maximum of 20 minutes.  This will allow me to stay in touch with numerous family members who live across the province, the country & the world...but will still be a big sacrifice for me.

Why?  What’s the purpose for all this?  First & foremost because I feel God leading me to.  I pray that God will use this time to bring me & my kids closer to Him & to each otehr.  I want to be purposeful about using that extra time to spend time with Him.  I want to spend daily time reading the Bible with my kids.  I want to seek Him about how to make Jesus real to my kids.  I want to start thinking about the meaning of Easter now instead of waiting till 2 days before & then trying to make it meaningful for the kids. 

So why am I telling you all about it?  Well, I’m hoping that you can help hold me accountable.  Ask me how it’s going.  What we’re learning.  Let me know your thoughts!  Offer any advice you may have.  Maybe it could even be an encouragement for you to give up something of your own.  Not because it’s “lent”...but because you want to deepen your relationship with Jesus!

Side note:  Did you know that if you actually count the calendar days, lent lasts for 47 days?  I never knew (I’ve never counted) till I was researching last night.  It’s 40 days not including the Sundays.  The Sundays are supposed to be a break from the fasting because that’s the day we celebrate Jesus’ resurrection.  I don’t know what I’m going to do with that yet.  In one way I can see it being nice to have that “break” from the fast...but it would also make it really easy to “over-indulge” on that day...then again maybe that would help prevent over-indulging at the end of the 40 days.  Like I said I don’t know, but I’m not worried about it.  Like I said, this isn’t Biblical.  It’s a choice I’m making to draw closer to my Lord...so we’ll deal with that when the time is right.  I just thought it was an interesting tidbit of infoJ. 

I’ll leave it at that.  If you’re my friend on facebook & you don’t see me throughout the day you’ll know why.  Also, if you use facebook to get ahold of me throughout the day, you may want to email or phone instead if it’s something you need before the end of the day.  I’d love to know your thoughts on any of this!

A Tuesday with Heidi!

I'm thankful for…kids who want to learn more about Jesus & follow Him! They all go through their phases…but they’ve all had their times of saying things out of the blue that just blow me away & it’s so cool!!! I love being able to catch a glimpse of how God is working in their lives! I’m also extremely thankful that my parents are home safe from the Dominican Republic!

I'm listening to…silence…Ben watching the replay of the Oilers game after he got home from hockey.

What’s happening with the kids? Well, Benjamin has a lot going on right now. The last couple weeks he’s had a bit more homework as they are doing a unit about knights & castles. Next week is going to be crazy. Knights & castles homework…spelling…show & share…potluck & he has to bring a food dish from Peru…plus he has to finish his science fair project that he started yesterday (I know, I know…we’ve been running off our feet & I suddenly realized it was next week & he really wants to do it…). Wouldn’t be quite so overwhelming if we had each day between now & then to work on it all…but Ben & I are gone from early, early Friday morning till Sunday evening (more on that later)…plus 2 of those nights he has environment club & one he has Kid’s Rock! Ahhhhhh! Calm down…breathe…ok…we can do thisJ. Manda is thrilled to be back in gymnastics. She loves helping me whenever she can & gets very disappointed if she offers & there’s nothing she can do. I’m learning (slowly) to find little ways to involve her & make her feel special. She loves doing girl things with Mommy whenever possible as well. Most days her & Kirby get along like a charm…some days not so muchJ. It seems like it’s one extreme or the other with them. One day they play nicely together all day long…the next they’re constantly picking at each other…bugging…etc. Kirby has grown up so much lately. He is learning to control his anger & find different ways to express it. Some of the thoughts that have come out of his mouth lately have just blown me away. Kirby is LOVING hockey & is always disappointed if he has to miss a practice.

What’s new with Ben & I? Well, like I hinted, we get to go away this weekend! Ben & I are going to the Breakforth Conference in Edmonton this weekend for the first time. When I was first teaching Sunday School there was a conference in Calgary called TRAIN. I loved going every year to be refreshed, get new ideas & learn from others who had been there. Well, I haven’t been there for a few years now & have missed it. Breakforth is very similar, but on a MUCH larger scale. I get to go to an all day session with Tim Kimmel whose book I’ve been reading (Grace Based Parenting)…Newsboys concert…various seminars Saturday & Sunday…Phil Keagy concert (Ben’s super excited about that). Anyways…I’m really looking forward to hanging out with my hubby for the weekend (even though we’ll be in different sessions)…being refreshed…getting new ideas…and just spending time with the Lord.

We haven’t had much work since Christmas, but have started a couple of insurance jobs that we got from the storm this summer. We’ve been very grateful for that. Last week there was a delay with that & we didn’t know if we’d have work this week. Well, yesterday Ben got a call back about a quote he’d done…and today he poured a footing! First basement of the new yearJ. Thank you Lord!! We’re also very thankful that we were able to get some bank work figured out that will relieve some pressure & get us on our way to being debt free!! Although it’s a ways away yet, that’ll be a joyous dayJ.

What’s happening around the house? Dirtiness…well…I’m just being honest… It’s been driving me crazy…to many messes & piles that I can’t ever seem to catch up to. I guess it’s just low on the priority list right now…which is probably right…but it still makes it harder for me to get motivated to do other things sometimes. Someday…

What's happening in my kitchen? Nothing...no that’s not true…taco saladJ. I’ve been a horrible wife & mother…we’ve had a lot of thrown together, easy meals lately…veggies, bread with honey, avocado wrap, scrambled eggs, fruit, cheese sticks… I have made taco salad though…twice in the last week (second time was leftovers)…and I’m making it again tomorrow! In our house the birthday boy (or girl) gets to choose supper on their birthday…well Kirby picked taco saladJ. I really want to bake some cookies & muffins to get in the freezer…it’s been a REALLY long time (other than a few Christmas goodies). Ah well…someday…

I am missing…slouching…NOT! Ever since Ben put his ribs out back before Christmas he’s been going to the chiropractor regularly to get it all straightened out. The goal is to get him to a point where he can go once a month & stay healthy instead of waiting till his back is horrible. Well, I got motivated to go too (wish I’d done it when Alberta Health Care still covered part!!) After I’d been a few times the chiro commented to me that I was standing a lot straighter. I’ve always known I slouched…but it hurt so much to stand up straight…now I realized that it had felt good to stand up straight & hurt to slouch so I was standing straight automatically! It may seem silly, but this is a big deal for me. This has bothered me since I was in high school but I didn’t know that I could do much about it. I was thrilledJ. I’ve even figured out that “one cheek sitting” is what was putting my hips out. Now if I could just figure out what’s putting my neck out & how to change it…that’s the only part that’s still bothering me!

I am praying for…wisdom as we strive to spend money wisely & be good stewards of what God has given us. I’m also praying for a little boy named Isaiah May whose parents are fighting for his life right now (see my last blog post).

What’s God been doing in my heart? My sister Katrina gave me an audio book for Christmas that I’ve wanted for a long time…The Five Love Languages of Children. If you haven’t read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman I would HIGHLY recommend it. It gave me so much insight into why I am the way I am…what makes me feel loved & how I love others. I’ve been super excited to read the one about kids. Since I hardly ever have time to sit & read…but I do quite a bit of driving…I have really started enjoying audio books. Anyway…I’ve been working at figuring out the kids’ love languages. I’ll give you a very brief overview of my thoughts…note that this will not do the book justice…I’m just spitting out thoughtsJ.

Benjamin’s primary love language is quality time…I’m sure of it. It makes so much sense. We’ve been having issues with his behavior since he started school. He went from spending all day every day with me with way more opportunity for quality time…to being gone for 7 hours in a day & having everything go, go, go once he gets home. It’s no wonder he has started acting out…he needs that attention back.

For Amanda I’m torn…I think it’s either words of affirmation or acts of service. It means so much to her when positive things are said to her…but that’s not really how she shows love (which is usually a sign of what your love language is). She loves to help me fold laundry, make supper, etc...and got so excited when Ben built a “swing” for her doll…which makes me think it might be acts of service.

Kirby has got to be physical touch…but words of affirmation is right up there for him too. Hugs, kisses & cuddles are so important to him…but he’s also very good at giving positive comments to others. I find his love tank the easiest to fill because he so often comes to me for hugs, kisses & cuddles. I’m just going to start the chapter about how to determine your child’s love language (hopefully when we’re driving this weekend) so I’ll keep you posted if I learn moreJ. I’m already finding that I’m more conscious of what little times I can use to fill their love tanks.

Am I willing to settle for a miracle when God wants to do a great miracle??

Well, it’s been way too long since I blogged...and I plan to do a regular blog soon...but God’s been working in my heart this morning & I wanted to share...

I’ve been following a group on Facebook about a baby boy named Isaiah James May. Isaiah was born into a strong Christian family in October with the cord around his neck & suffered severe oxygen deprivation. Doctor’s said he was brain dead, wouldn’t grow, etc. It’s been slow, but he’s been steadily making progress...eyelids flutter open every day now...his pupils are dilating...he reacts when he gets a shot...his arms & legs move spontaneously. His parents have had to fight for his life from the beginning with HUGE pressure from doctor’s to pull the plug as well as nurses refusing to note many of these improvements on his chart. Well, last night I found out that Alberta Health Services (AHS) has sent a letter to the family stating that as of 2:00 tomorrow afternoon (Wednesday), his treatment team will be taking him off the ventilator because they’ve done everything they can & there’s no hope of recovery. They are going to court today to try to get an extra 90 days.

My first response was anger. It makes me so angry that this could be happening right here in Alberta!!! When did it become OK for doctors to make decisions for parents...regarding life or death!!!??? At the same time my heart is aching for this family. I can’t imagine the pain they are feeling right now. That was the extent of my feelings as I went to bed last night. This morning as I was reading some new posts on the group God laid something on my heart: We’ve been praying so hard for Isaiah’s healing...well...if he’s healed, then he doesn’t need a ventilator, right?! I still agree 100% that AHS has NO RIGHT to make that decision for the family...but I see God using this for HIS honor & glory!! “What is impossible with men is possible with God.” Luke 18:27

As I wrote this down & thought about it more, God brought something else to mind. Maybe the judge will give them the 90 days so that Isaiah can stay on the ventilator a little longer...and then maybe Isaiah will continue making improvements day by day...that would be great. But how much better would it be, if they took him off the ventilator & he was completely healed?! Is God asking us just to trust? All the improvements Isaiah has made are miracles...there is no doubt...doctors said none of those things would happen. What if God is just waiting to do the ultimate miracle & heal him completely...but first we have to trust Him to do it?? A couple of weeks ago I watched the movie “Faith Like Potatoes”. If you haven’t seen it I would HIGHLY recommend it! It is based on a true story, which to me makes it all the more inspiring. I was both encouraged & challenged as I watched. My favorite line in the movie is this: “the condition for a miracle is difficulty; the condition for a great miracle is impossibility”. Are we settling for the miracle when we could have the great miracle?? Obviously, this is not my child...I don’t even know the family...so I say all of this hypothetically. It just got me thinking about how that applies to me right now.

This has been a tough year financially as the economy has greatly affected our work. For pretty much exactly a year now we’ve been learning to trust God in a whole new way. In the past month I’ve watched 2 movies that have been such an encouragement & challenge to me. The first was “Facing the Giants” (also HIGHLY recommended) which reminded me that before God can fully work in my life I have to be willing to give it ALL to Him! I can’t pray for work while really believing that if we don’t get this job we’re hooped. I have to be able to pray for work...at the same time acknowledging that if we don’t get this job, I still believe that God has a plan & knows what’s best for us & I will trust that! When I watched Faith Like Potatoes a couple weeks ago, it just reinforced all of that...and has kept that idea forefront in my mind ever since. My question for myself today is this. Am I willing to settle for a miracle, when God wants to do a great miracle? Will I trust Him enough to face an impossible situation head on...and believe that He can do it!?

Update: The judge decided she needs more time to make a decision about this sensitive issue. They will keep Isaiah on the ventilator till the judge gives her decision on the 27^th. The family is asking for 90 days. Alberta Health Services is only willing to give 30 days. OK Lord, so now how do I pray?? I believe you want to do a great miracle through little Isaiah...

A Monday with Heidi

I'm thankful for…2 snow/cold days in 8 days! Last Monday it was super cold & the buses were cancelled…we were thrilled to have Benjamin home for a dayJ. It gave us a chance to really get Christmas baking & just hang out together without any pressure of anything planned for the weekend. I really miss having Benjamin at home…but he misses it just as much & talks about it often. He needs to have days when we just stay home & we all really enjoyed Monday. I was doubly thrilled to find out this morning that the buses were once again cancelled. As crazy as it is to hear it’s -42 outside…-56 with the wind chill…I don’t mind at all when it means Benj can stay homeJ. We had a blast decorating gingerbread cookies together…and Benjamin was thrilled to finish all his Christmas crafts & get them wrapped! God knew that I was disappointed to have no Fridays off in December so He gave me 2 Mondays insteadJ. Thank you Lord…it does my heart good to be reminded that You care about the little things in life!

I'm listening to…Christmas musicJ.

What’s happening with the kids? Let’s just say I’m still getting used to having 2 boys & how different they are from girlsJ. Growing up with only one brother who is much younger than me, I never really experienced what boys are like growing up. When we first had Benjamin I remember Ben talking about how boys play so differently & that it’s completely normal. I thought he was crazyJ. I know it sounds stupid…yes, I knew/know how different boys & girls are…but am I really supposed to let them wrestle like that?? Well some days it seems that’s all Benjamin & Kirby do. It’s almost all in fun…but can still get rough. Everything is bugging, poking, prodding, pushing…egging each other on. Sometimes I wonder how different life would be if we only had one of the boys…not that I would wish that in a million years…they just feed off each other so much. I think of Drew being the only boy…and other only boys I know…they seem so different! I know it has a lot to do with personality…but there is something about having more than one of them to feed off each other. Can someone please tell me I’m not crazy or imagining things? I’m not the only one dealing with this right? Anyway…wasn’t meaning to go on about thatJ. So what about Manda? She is loving more & more following me anywhere & everywhere…just chatting…helping…imitating. It’s rather daunting to know you’re always being watched…and knowing that I’m not being anywhere near a perfect example. Thank goodness that God can use me in Manda’s life despite my many imperfections! All that being said, I really have been enjoying this stage of life with the kids. They’re all old enough that we can do so much together and carry on conversations…although sometimes it’s those exact things (especially the second) that can drive me crazyJ.

What’s new with Ben & I? It’s been an interesting few weeks. About 3 weeks ago Ben mentioned to me that he thought one of his ribs was out. He was super busy that week & put off going to the chiropractor till the following week. The next week the chiro here told him just to wait till the muscles relaxed & the ribs would go in on their own. The next week it wasn’t getting better so he went to his chiro in Didsbury. She put the ribs back in & he went & played shinny hockey. 2 days later he could barely move. His back was spasming horribly & he was in a lot of pain. He’s been to the chiropractor 8 times now in the last 3 weeks…which really adds up (especially since Alberta Health no longer subsidizes it)…but we’re very thankful that he is on the mend. We know that we’re better off to deal with it properly now rather than having it continue plaguing him! Ben has missed 3 hockey games already & will miss at least 2 more this week, if not 3. That’s super hard for a man who doesn’t like to even miss one game in a year! He has his mobility back now & it is healing, but he has to be super careful not to reinjure it before it has a chance to completely heal. With Ben hurt, I’m kept super busy around home. I’ve also been working at doing Christmas baking & crafts with the kids.

What’s happening around the house? Lots of baking & crafts. About 4 years ago now I think, I started doing something each Christmas with the kids. That first year it was just Benjamin, but now each of them does a “bulk” craft that they can give. It allows them to participate in Christmas & give without having to buy something. This year I really wanted to find crafts that were simple enough for them to do, but allowed them to express themselves at the same time. I’m thrilled with how they’ve turned out…although Kirby’s doesn’t allow him to express himself as I’d like…but there’s always next year & he still had fun doing itJ. Stay tuned after Christmas & I’ll let you know what they are…I can’t give away the surprise now! The kids & I also love baking together. It’s so much more fun now that they can all be involved. I didn’t know how it would work this year with Benjamin at school, but having the 2 snow days allowed us time to do it so that’s been wonderful.

What's happening in my kitchen? Peppernuts, frosty date balls, no bakes, & gingerbread cookies. More to come…

I am missing…my sister Jodi. She’s the one in our family that I’ve seen the least of lately. We’ve always been close & I miss our talks. I’m looking forward to seeing her SOON!!

I am praying for…our kids. Although I’m thoroughly enjoying this stage with the kids, it has become very real to me in the last year, what a challenge it is to raise kids! Up until now it hasn’t seemed all that hard. Oh, it’s a lot of work, but the discipline & consequences are fairly simple…time out, say you’re sorry…extra chores…lost privilege…you get the idea. In the last 6 months that has suddenly changed. I have realized how much more aware they are of all the ins & outs. It’s not just a matter of telling them anymore…they want to know why…but what about this & that…and still stamp their foot. It’s scary. Lord give us wisdom. Help our kids to grow up to love You with all their hearts despite the fact that we are such imperfect parents! Thank you that your grace is sufficient to cover all of that!

What’s God been doing in my heart? I have been learning something about myself in the last year or so of our marriage...nothing amazing or life changing…just the simple art of being aware of what is making me feel a certain way. One specific time I notice this is after Ben has been sick or hurt. Almost without fail in the first few days after he starts to feel better, I get frustrated with life…and usually take it out on him. Sure enough…Ben’s ribs started to heal & I felt like I was being cheated. I had faithfully taken care of him…and now it was my turn…I wanted to be taken care of! Yikes Lord…am I really that selfish? I didn’t take care of him expecting anything in return…so why does my sinful nature pop up now? I am thankful that I am finally aware of this feeling so I can learn how to kick it out before it gets bad…and how to choose my responses carefully. Hun…I’m sorry. I thrive on being able to take care of you & the kids…I’m sorry for not always having a good attitude about it. I think I finally get it though. I know I still won’t always respond the right way…but I’m working on it. I love you so much.

Well, it’s technically Tuesday now, but oh well…I still started this on MondayJ. One last thought to leave you with. My sister Jenni posted something last week that really hit a chord. I feel like she was speaking from my heart. I just wanted to share (I hope you don’t mind Jen…I love you…and thank you for sharing your heart!)…http://riceandpeanutbutter.blogspot.com/2009/12/junkyard-art.html