October 11, 2010...

One year ago today...

...I was feeling so good about being ready to head home for BC early so we wouldn’t get home too late.

...I was working while the kids slept.

...I nearly had the van loaded.

...I heard my ankle snap...and felt the extreme pain.

...I was laying in the hospital in Vernon waiting for surgery.

...my ankle was snapped in 2 places.

...I wished my Thanksgiving weekend didn’t have to end that way.

...I wished Ben could be with me.

...I struggled with how much our lives were going to change.

BUT...even more than those wishes...I was sooo thankful (& still am!)...

...that the kids didn’t see me go down.

...that I could get ahold of Ben before I went to the hospital.

...that my parents were there with me!

...that my mom was willing to stay in BC for an extra week just to take care of me & the kids!!

...that my aunt & uncle allowed us to continue staying with them.

...for the amazing memories Uncle Wilf & Auntie Pearl made with my kids!

...for my wonderful day nurse Yolanda...I wish I had a way to thank you & tell you how much you encouraged me!

...for my very own personal nurse (Pearl!) once I got to their house.

...that God was working in my heart during that time!!!

...for all the friends & family that were praying for me & our family during that time!

...for everyone who brought us meals & helped me with things around the house!

If you’d like to read the whole story, it’s here:  http://bhwerdalfamily.blogspot.com/2010/11/thanksgiving-2010no-accident.html

When we went to BC this summer, I took a picture of the house we were staying at last year.  Our van was parked almost exactly where that black vehicle is (maybe just a wee bit further forward)...so you can imagine me laying behind itJ.

As this weekend approached, I told Ben I felt like having a party.  He thought I was a little nutsJ.  “Wouldn’t you rather just forget that?”  I know what he means...but I am so thankful for where this year has brought us.  So although I don’t think there’ll be a physical party tonight...there’s one going on in my heartJ.

Thank you Lord...

...that I can walk without a limp.

...for walking beside me through that emotional rollercoaster.

...for teaching me to slow down...it has made this fall so much easier!

...for drawing me closer to you!

Yes, that day a year ago changed our lives...for the better!  It was hard...very hard at times...but God brought us through.  So today...the day after Thanksgiving...I am reflecting & don’t want to forget these things that God did for us last year.  I also wanted to take a moment to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who was there for us in that time...from when I very first fell...till I was recovered here at home.  I want to name you all, but I’m so scared I’ll forget someone...so THANK YOU!!!!  Please know that every one of you was such a blessing to us!!

Thanksgiving 2010...No Accident

Note: I've been writing this over the last 2 weeks, so hopefully the time frames make sense:)

I only found out about the birthday/reunion/thanksgiving get together a couple of weeks before, but I knew immediately that if it was at all possible we’d be there.  It has been so precious to watch our kids make memories with my grandparents & they were soooo excited to see them againJ.  Last year we also had the opportunity to spend a day with my Uncle Wilf & Auntie Pearl...that bond too was immediate...the kids have been asking ever since when we get to see them again.

My family has always been especially close to Wilf & Pearl, Rachael, Seija, & Brendan.  When my parents were getting ready to go on the mission field they had to go to New York for 3 weeks for orientation.  Jenni, Jodi & I stayed with Uncle Wilf & Auntie Pearl.  To this day I have so many memories from that time.  Although we haven’t always been able to see each other often, it has been a bond that has stayed strong through the test of time. 

For the sake of simplicity, we’ll call it a reunion.  The reunion was to be held at Uncle Wilf & Auntie Pearl’s house in Enderby, BC.  Some people would stay at their house...others at a friend’s.  They were gone & offered the use of their home.  I was told the kids & I would be staying at the friend’s house.  Uncle Wilf & my dad drove to the house with me on Friday night (9^th).  The driveway up to the house was so steep that even the owner’s don’t use it.  I parked the van on the road alongside a small grassy hill.  My dad, Uncle Wilf & I carried numerous loads of sleeping kids & bags...first up the small grassy slope...across the sidewalk...and up the steep driveway.  Once the kids were tucked into beds, I sat up to wait for my 2 cousins who would also be staying there.  Rachael is Wilf & Pearl’s oldest daughter...only 2 years older than me.  Heather is a year older than me.  There are 5 of us girl cousins within 2 or 3 years of each other & it’s always so much fun to get together!

The kids slept in a little on Saturday morning.  As soon as they were up we got ready & headed to Wilf & Pearl’s to join all the aunts & uncles & numerous cousins for a scrumptious breakfast buffet.  The rest of the day included (among other things I’m sure I’m forgetting) lots of picture taking, a walk to the river to see the salmon run, plenty of visiting & laughing, table hockey, ping pong, a football game (in which I scored the tying touchdown...first of my lifeJ!!) & a family picture.  I am so thankful for the amazing bond our family shares.  It was an amazing day.  To finish it off we enjoyed a catered turkey dinner together. 

We went to church with Wilf & Pearl on Sunday morning.  It was wonderful to worship together.  A number of people had to leave on Saturday...and some more Sunday afternoon, so the group was thinning out a little, but we were still having a great time.  We played ping pong, table hockey, visited & had more laughs.  Amanda & Kirby enjoyed cuddling with Gram & Gramps while Gram read to them...& Benjamin & I helped work on a 500 piece puzzle.  We were worn out by the time we headed back to the house for bed.  I got the kids tucked in & then started packing & organizing everything to leave in the morning.  I took a few loads of things out to the van & got the van organized.  I wanted to leave at a good time (hopefully 9 or 10) so that we had time to stop on the way home & create some memories together.  Little did I know that by that time, I would have had a ride in an ambulance & be laying in an emergency room...

Thanksgiving Monday...approximately 7:15 am.  I got up quietly so as not to wake the kids.  I got ready & got everything packed that I could.  I took a load down to the van.  It was pretty chilly outside, frost on the ground.  I was thankful for the sweater I had on. 

Back in the house, Rachael had her kids in the bathroom getting ready.  I hadn’t seen Heather yet that morning.  Approximately 7:45 am.  I had one more load to take to the van & then I was going to wake the kids up.  I headed down the hill with the small soft cooler in one hand & a tupperware of pineapple in the other.  I had cut it up at home & planned to share it that morning at breakfast.  Leaves had fallen over the weekend & I was cautious as I made my way down the steep driveway, knowing the leaves would be slippery.  I took a step or 2 onto the frosty grass hill...and that’s when my plans fell apart. 

At the bottom of the grass hill was a small lip...maybe an inch or 2.  My feet were sliding on the frosty grass.  My left toe went over that little ledge & my foot buckled under me.  I felt (or heard, I’m not sure which) a terrible pop/crunch/snap (something like that).  I knew immediately it was broken.  Later the ambulance attendant would try to encourage me that “best case scenario it’s just a bad sprain”...but I knew in my heart it was broken.  I was in a LOT of pain.  I don’t remember ever being in pain like this. 

My first thought was that I had no idea how I would get help.  There was no way I could pull myself up that hill.  I couldn’t move my foot at all.  It felt like my foot was falling off.  I (thought) I had left my phone in the house.  Rachael & Heather had no idea I was even outside, the house was much too far (& closed up) that even if I screamed they wouldn’t hear me.  A split second later I thought to check for my phone & realized it was indeed in my pocket.  I knew I had to get a hold of someone at Wilf & Pearl’s house to come help me.  I didn’t have any phone #’s for Rachael or Heather.  I tried my mom’s cell phone.  It was turned off.  I knew I had Wilf & Pearl’s phone number written on a napkin on the dash of the van, but again knew there was no way I could pull myself up there.  I knew their number was also on my computer at home so I called Ben to look it up for me. 

Here starts one of many events that make it so clear to me that God was in control of all of this.  As hard as it was & not fun...I’m so thankful for these ways that God was taking care of me.  There were no accidents that morning...or now. 

Ben was planning to go hunting on Monday morning.  I knew this.  I was worried that he would already be gone when I called.  Only a week later did I find out that on Sunday night he went to bed exhausted & planned to go a little later.  After he lay down in bed he realized the alarm was still set early for work.  Usually this would result in one of us getting up to change it or turn it off.  On that night Ben was too tired & decided just to turn it off when it went off in the morning.  Little did he know that his phone volume had been turned way down...and I was going to need to get a hold of him.  God knew...and it was no accident!

Ben turned off that alarm on Monday morning & lay back down.  About a half hour later his phone rang.  Now, for those of you who don’t know Ben, he is a VERY heavy sleeper.  When the kids were babies, he wouldn’t even wake up when they cried.  There was no way that he would have woken up when his phone rang (with the very quiet volume).  But God knew.  God knew that the alarm would wake him enough to hear the phone.  It was no accident.  Thank you Lord!

All I could think to say when Ben answered was “I need help!!!”.  That’s all I remember saying.  Ben has since told me that I then told him “my ankle is broken & I’m at the bottom of a big hill”.  He repeatedly asked me where I was, but I just kept saying that over & over.  Poor Ben thought we’d been in an accident.  I was so glad I was able to talk to him.  He managed to calm me down & figured out what was going on.  I asked him to look up Wilf & Pearl’s number.  At this point it had been about 5 minutes since I fell.

About that time a truck turned into the driveway a couple houses down.  It was no accident that the people looked over toward me.  Remember, I’m at the bottom of the grassy hill with my feet nearly under the van.  No one driving by could see me unless they were specifically looking.  The neighbours came over & got Rachael from the house.  I stayed on the phone with Ben for a few more minutes as everyone starting gathering around me.  Rachael brought me a blanket even though I said I wasn’t cold.  Once she covered me I realized how good it felt.  She actually ended up getting a hold of Wilf & Pearl before Ben because the computer took so long to boot up, but I was so thankful to hear his voice. 

I had it in my head that I just needed family to come take me to the hospital.  It was no accident that the neighbour was an ex-paramedic!  He told Rachael & I that we should definitely call an ambulance.  Because of the way I fell, there was a possibility of a bleed & it could be dangerous to move me.  I was still sceptical about calling the ambulance, but thankfully at that point Rachael took over.  Within 10 minutes of falling I had the ex-paramedic, Rachael, Wilf & Pearl with me...and my parents arrived 2 or 3 minutes later (one of them was in the shower when the call came).  Pearl brought me another blanket.  By this time I was shaking & cold.  The ambulance got there only a few minutes later. 

Being “prepped” by the ambulance attendants was one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through.  I was so thankful to have so much family around me...one stroking my hair...one holding my hand...others speaking words of encouragement.  It was no accident that I was in Enderby for a family reunion...and that my own family...along with extended family...was there to help.  It was no accident that the kids were still sound asleep & did not see Mommy laying on the ground or getting loaded into an ambulance.   It was no accident that Pearl didn’t have work for most of that week & was willing to drop everything to take care of the kids.  It was no accident that my parents were there to go to the hospital with me. 

Once in the ambulance I received the wonderful gift of the gasJ.  The EMT told me that it didn’t actually take the pain away, but it made it so it didn’t matter anymore.  I appreciated that description.  When I had Amanda they gave me the gas to help the pain & I was so mad because it didn’t help the pain at all...and I was too loopy to remember her birth.  This time I didn’t care that I was loopy...anything to make the pain “not matter”.  I even surprised myself by telling the EMT a joke!  He made a comment that I should be feeling like laughing & said, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” to try to make me laugh.  Little did he know that I had just looked up Thanksgiving jokes to tell the kids at Kid’s Rock.  “No, why did the turkey cross the road?” I replied.  (It was the chicken’s day off.)  I know...it’s corny...but it was a kid’s joke...and the only one I could think ofJ. 

It was no accident that the EMTs recommended that we go straight to the Vernon hospital instead of Salmon Arm because Vernon has an orthopaedic surgeon.  By the time we got to Vernon (1/2 hour regular drive...not sure how fast they drove) I was mostly warmed up & not shaking anymore.  The pain was definitely still there, but the EMT graciously carried the gas inside for me to use until the ER nurses were ready.  The moment we went inside he got me a warm blanket that felt so good.  I wish I could remember his name.  It was no accident that he was there to encourage me & get me through that time. 

The ER portion of my day was definitely my least favourite.  Shaking horribly with cold...nurse saying we had “business” to do before he could warm me up.  Business:  Take my shirt off & put on a gown...leave the room while I shake uncontrollably.  Come back 5 minutes later to put my IV in...complain because my veins have collapsed because I’m so cold...dig around one part of my arm making a bruise that lasts over a week.  Tell me to “slow down...breathe...slow down.”  I do my best to take deep breaths & stop shaking.  “Slow down...breathe.”  I AM...what are you talking about!??  (Amazingly, I didn’t say that out loud, but it went through my head.)  Finally comes out that I’m supposed to take small shallow breaths, not deep ones.  Communication always helps.  Finally gets the IV in.  Makes me feel stupid because I don’t want to lift my foot off the bed to get my pants off—it feels like my foot is falling off.  I knew it wasn’t (kind of obvious I think), but it was still very disconcerting & painful.  He felt the need to point it out to me that my foot was not falling off, let’s just get the pants off (a little understanding & willingness to lift my foot, not just my calf would have been great!).  He eventually did support my foot as well so I could get my pants off.  Back to the point of being so cold...I’m not sure why warming up couldn’t have come before (or during...I had a small blanket the whole time...could have added a warm one) all that.  Although that few hours is frustrating to think back on, I still trust that God knew what was going on & it was no accident.

Thankfully it wasn’t too long before I was moved upstairs to a room & had a wonderful nurse.  The surgeon had come to see me in the ER.  She was heading into a surgery & I would be next...probably in 5 or 6 hours (4 or 5:00).  Once settled in my room upstairs the nurse mentioned that I was actually on call.  The plan was for me to go next, but if an emergency came in, I’d be bumped (there was only one OR open because of the holiday).  It was no accident that my mom was there to wait with me.  At 2:30 the nurse came in & said I was in!  She got me to go to the bathroom & then went out to let the porter know he could take me.  The porter was gone.  She phoned the OR.  In the 5 minutes that it took for her to get me ready, an emergency had come in & I was bumped.  Although it was disappointing, I wasn’t too worried.  I was comfortable & in basically no pain.

As the afternoon, then evening wore on, we started to worry that I wouldn’t get in that night.  If I didn’t get in that night, the earliest would be Tuesday after 4:00...and I’d be on call all over again.  God knew how discouraging it would be to wait till the next night.  It was no accident.  They came to take me to surgery around 10:30 Monday night.  I came out of surgery with 2 screws in my tibia (big bone) & a plate on my fibula (little bone).  Often with these types of breaks, they will also have to put a screw between the 2 bones to help them heal correctly, but once they had a look at my ankle they realized I didn’t need that.  That also, was no accidentJ.

This is my x-ray from October 11 when I got to the hospital.

Waking up in the recovery room is no fun.  You’re out of it & uncomfortable.  I have no idea how long I was there.  I only remember bits & pieces.  I also don’t remember getting back to my room, but I remember waking up & my mom being there.  I called Ben very briefly to let him know I was out.  My mom & I talked a bit I think & she helped me get comfortable before heading back to Wilf & Pearl’s at 2:30 am.  It was no accident that my mom was able to be there for me.  Thank you Mom!

I woke up on Tuesday morning feeling great considering what had happened the day before.  My nurse that morning was amazing...not only that, but she knew Wilf & Pearl!  Yolanda not only took care of me as a patient, but let me know how much she truly cared.  I ate some breakfast...my first food in over 24 hours...and was feeling good.  Unfortunately it wasn’t to last.  After breakfast I was talking to the secretary at church...just letting her know what was up & making sure things were covered for Kid’s Rock that week.  Yolanda came in with my meds part way through the conversation.  When I finished, I apologized & explained that I run the kid’s program at our church & needed to make sure it was all in order.  Later in the day Yolanda mentioned that she used to go to church with Wilf & Pearl.  Although I obviously had no idea where she was at spiritually, it was very comforting hear that.   It was no accident that Yolanda was my nurse!

As I said, my good morning wasn’t to last.  Shortly after breakfast I called Yolanda to let her know I needed to use the bathroom.  Up until this point I had to use a bedpan & assumed it would still be that way, but she said that it would be good for me to get up.  I was feeling fine so didn’t see any reason why not.  Unfortunately, putting my leg down for that short time changed the rest of the day.  The swelling increased dramatically & my pain shot up.  I went from a pain level of 2 or 3 in the morning to a 5-7 for the rest of the day.  All day Yolanda fiddled with my meds to try & make me comfortable, but nothing was working.  She would come around the corner of the curtain & make eye contact with me, trying to see if I was doing any better.  There was something very comforting about those looks.  I knew it was much more than “being a nurse”.  She genuinely cared & wanted me to feel better.  My mom spent the morning with the kids at Wilf & Pearl’s.  It was no accident that the 3 of them were taking care of the kids.  Despite the stress of the whole situation I was not at all worried about the kids.  I KNEW they were in excellent hands. 

My mom came back to the hospital later in the afternoon.  Sometime in the afternoon we realized how tight my leg was in the splint because of the swelling.  Yolanda got some scissors & started cutting.  She opened up my splint to release some pressure & it made a huge difference.  I continued to use my morphine button through that evening, but by just after midnight I was pretty much done with it.  Once my pain was better I was able to enjoy hanging out with my mom.  She read to me, we talked, I dozed, she gave me foot rubs & head rubs...and we had Sudoku competitionsJ!  I’ve never really done Sudoku puzzles before, but Auntie Pearl had sent a book so we thought we’d give it a try.  My mom beat me in our first race & quickly declared that we had completed the study: morphine inhibits the ability to think clearly to do Sudoku puzzlesJ.  Unfortunately for her, those results soon went out the window as I started beating her.  It felt so good just to think about something after being so woozy & out of it from the morphine.  It was easy to get to sleep after the relaxing foot & hand massages my mom gave before heading back to Enderby!  Other than the adventure of gaining a roommate in the middle of the night (a very interesting one at thatJ), the night went well. 

I woke up Wednesday morning feeling good again, but definitely hesitant about getting up, knowing what had happened the day before.  Yolanda came in & I was reminded again that it was no accident that God had placed her as my nurse.  Nearly the first thing she said to me that morning was, “I prayed for you last night...so today is going to be better!  Isn’t it wonderful that we don’t have to wonder why these kind of things happen?”  I don’t remember the exact wording of the last sentence, but that was the idea.  Wow God.  That was definitely no accident, because I really needed encouragement in that moment!  From that moment, I had a pretty good idea where Yolanda’s heart was at & it gave me an extra sense of peace through that day...knowing I wasn’t alone. 

I did indeed get up to go to the bathroom that morning & although I definitely felt it, it was 100x better than the day before.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  We pretty much knew I was going “home” (Enderby) that day, but weren’t sure what all would happen before that.  I hung out on my own while my mom spent more time with the kids.  She made it to the hospital just before the physiotherapist got there to get me on crutches.  Although it sounds bad, I’m very thankful (i.e., it was no accident!) that I had used crutches before.  They wouldn’t let me go home till they knew I could do it, but with the pain & pressure from the swelling, it was a huge stretch to have my foot down for that long.  If I had not known what I was doing, I’m not sure I could have done it.  All my focus was just on getting through it so I could put my foot up.  I made it down the hall & up a few stairs so that they could sign off to send me home. 

Although I was very happy to be leaving the hospital & making the first step toward home, it was nerve wracking.  I had only used the morphine 2 or 3 times (down from every 7 minutes) since 1 am...being completely off it since about 8, so I knew I could make it without that.  There were still other meds in my system though...strong ones.  One, a super strong ibuprofen, had seemed to be the most effective.  Both the meds were going to wear off around 10:30.  I had no idea how my body would react once those were gone.  I hugged Yolanda goodbye (I’m so thankful I’ll see her again someday!) & we headed to the van.  My mom got me comfortable & we headed to the drug store to pick up my Tylenol 3s.  My mom went inside & I started to crumble.  The fear & anxiety of the pain meds wearing off caught up to me.  I quickly tried to call Ben.  He was headed to music practice & I wanted to ask him if they would pray for me at practice.  I also knew he would help calm me down.  I dialled...and dialled again...and once more.  No answer.  I decided to try my dad.  He would almost certainly be at practice with Ben & I could ask him to relay the message.  My poor dad.  He answered the phone & I promptly started bawling.  It was no accident he got that call though.  I knew I needed prayer in that moment.  Thank you Papa! 

We arrived at Wilf & Pearl’s to some very excited kidsJ.  It felt good to be able to interact with the kids, although I could hardly do anything.  That night we (Pearl, my mom & I) made a plan.  I wanted to just make it through the night with minimal pain.  I knew if I could do that, I would be a lot more confident in the morning.  It was very comforting to be staying with Wilf & Pearl (no accident!).  Pearl is a nurse so it was just a step down from being at the hospitalJ.  That night my mom got me up every 2 hours to alternate my T3s & advil.  By the time I took the 4:00 T3s, I decided to skip the 6:00 advil because I was feeling totally fine.  I haven’t had any advil sinceJ. 

For the first week, I was supposed to have my foot above my heart for 22 out of 24 hours in a day.  It wasn’t very hard to follow that.  By the time I made it to the bathroom & back my foot would be throbbing.  Throughout Thursday & Friday though, it continued to improve.  I was able to have a sponge bath & even stand at the kitchen sink briefly to wash my hair (that’s never felt so good!).  Throughout this time I realized that my biggest struggle in all of this was going to be the mental/emotional.  I would go from feeling just fine, to bawling & not being able to stop...anything from being overwhelmed with the whole situation...to the realization of how long this would affect our lives.  It was no accident that there were people who were praying for me in that time.  Thank you to each of you who prayed!!!

My wonderful grandparents drove up from Kelowna on Thursday to see us.  We had just celebrated their 80^th & 85^th birthdays, but they were much more concerned about me.  I love you Gram & Gramps.  Thank you so much for driving that far to see me before we went home!!!

We had decided to head home on Saturday.  This gave me a few days to get the pain under control & rest...but would get me home on the weekend when Ben was still home from work.  My mom & I started organizing on Friday afternoon...she gathered up odds & ends from around the house.  I packed what I could while sitting on the floor beside the couch.  I was thrilled to be able to sit up at the table for supper on Friday night & again breakfast on Saturday morning.  Although I could only last 10 or 15 minutes with my foot on a chair beside me, it was wonderful to feel like a part of the family.  After breakfast my mom finished getting the van packed up & I organized kids from the couch.  We washed my hair one more time in the big kitchen sink since we didn’t know how it would work at home.  Then...we were off. 

As we all loaded up into the van Uncle Wilf said something that meant a lot to me.  He mentioned how our families have always been especially close (something I’ve never discussed with him) & how special it is that now my kids get to have a part in that bond too!  I teared up when he said that.  I’ve always felt that special bond, but didn’t know if everyone else felt the same way...and I too think it is soooo special that now my kids share that!  Thank you Wilf & Pearl for investing in my kid’s lives...it means the world to me!!!

The drive home went much better than I anticipated.  I thought I’d be uncomfortable & sore the whole way.  Once I got set up I was actually quite comfortable.  I even stretched my T3s to 5 or 6 hours apart!  The only tough part was stopping for bathroom breaks.  The furthest I’d been at Wilf & Pearl’s was to the bathroom & back.  Having to get into a restaurant or gas station & then wait for a bathroom & then all the way out again was enough to cause quite a bit of throbbingJ.  Thankfully though, as soon as I got it up, it would be fine.  Ben met us in Cochrane with my dad.  My dad took my mom to Calgary for a mission’s banquet & Ben drove us the rest of the way home.  It was very nice to finally see my hubby after all we’d been through in the last 6 days! 

We came home to a beautifully tidy house.  My wonderful hubby had cleaned up & moved things around to make more room for me to move around on crutches.  I’m so thankful he did that.  Our house is so cramped that it’s still tough to get around.  It’s no accident that Ben has been on crutches before & totally understood what I was going through!  Thank you Ben!!!

By far the hardest part of this journey has been the emotional roller coaster.  Yes, it’s tough to be stuck at home & not be able to do anything, but I can handle that.  God is making me slow down, I realize that.  Apparently my emotions can’t handle it though.  I finally figured out, nearly 2 weeks after I fell, that I think I’m dealing with some mild depression.  It feels very similar to after Kirby was born when I had post partum depression. 

I’m not going to continue giving you day by day detail of what’s been happening, but I did want to share how God has been encouraging me this last week (2 weeks after it all happened).  My favourite worship song is “Everlasting God” by Brenton Brown.  It has been ever since Breakforth last year when Ben & I got to hear him in concert.  I love the song itself & the lyrics.  As I lay in the hospital I was very thankful for the iPod Ben had given me for my birthday.  I listened to lots of music...and I played “Everlasting God” over & over & over.  I listened to it at Wilf & Pearl’s as I went to sleep.  I listened to it once we were at home anytime I had the chance.  The more I thought about the lyrics, the more it felt like it was written just for me in this time. 

Everlasting God
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord We will wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon you Lord x 2	I’m doing a lot of waiting right now...a lot of sitting.  That can be really discouraging...but I know that You will give me strength through this Lord.
Our God, you reign forever Our hope, our strong deliverer...	You reign forever.  You haven’t fallen asleep.  You didn’t “miss it” when I fell.  You knew every detail.  It was no accident.
You are the everlasting God, the everlasting God You do not faint, you won't grow weary You're the defender of the weak, you comfort those in need You lift us up on wings like eagles...	You are the everlasting God!  You aren’t going anywhere.  You don’t get tired.  You didn’t accidentally fall asleep as I fell...or when I have my emotional crashes.  You are my defender when I’m weak...and you will comfort me.  Not sure how with this ankleJ...but you will make me fly!  Honestly...my heart soars when I think of how you’ve taken care of every detail.
ccli # 4556538 Brenton Brown/Ken Riley, Copyright © 2008 Thankyou Music (PRS) (adm. worldwide by EMI CMG Publishing, excluding Europe, which is adm. by kingswaysongs.com)

If you don’t know the song yet...you’re missing outJ. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZPQxS3NEIg&feature=related

I went to you tube to look for the song & also found this...a description from Brenton himself about how the song came to be.  I started bawling.  His condition is obviously a lot more long term, but the way that the song spoke to me is very similar. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wD5uN_3vdqU

Well there you go.  That’s my Thanksgiving story for the yearJ.  A huge thank you to everyone who has prayed for us, made meals for us, helped clean, pulled carrots, covered Kid’s Rock for me, watched the kids, driven us around...and everything else I’ve missed.  THANK YOU!!  It is no accident that we have you in our lives!!!

Andrew...provincials...800m

My brother Drew ran the 800m at track & field provincials in June. We headed to Calgary on a very cold, slightly rainy day to watchJ.

Andrew finished 8^th in the province of Alberta!!!

I’m super proud of himJ.

Kaitlyn Marie Werdal

I will still post more pictures from Christmas, but wanted to get these pics up right away because one of Kaitlyn's aunties is very anxious to see her & won't be able to hold her for quite some time yet...these are for you Cheri:)

Our first niece was born on New Years Day 2009...she's the New Years baby for Olds! Her name is Kaitlyn Marie Werdal, born to proud parents Nathanael & Brandy Werdal, weighing in at 7 lbs. 12 ozs. & measuring 20.5 inches long. We went to see her for the first time yesterday.

Byron was there holding her when we got there...about 5-10 minutes after we arrived they all started laughing...they'd been guessing on how fast I would go over & snatch Kaitlyn from Byron...but I was holding out:) I did get my turn though!

After Brandy fed her, Manda wanted a turn! She held her for AGES & didn't want to let go! It's sure special for her to have a girl cousin! I'm sure they'll have lots of fun doing girl things as Kaitlyn gets older!

Kirby was next asking for a turn...very proud, but a quick 2 minute hold was enough for him:)

Benjamin is growing up so much...I could see it in his eyes that he understood a lot more of what has just transpired & how special it is to have a new little one!

Benjamin's the only one who would give Kaitlyn a kiss right away, I think the other 2 were too intimidated by her size still:)

On Manda's second turn holding Kaitlyn she decided it might be alright to give her a kiss:)

I just couldn't resist stealing her away for a few minutes to take some pictures:)

With Brandy's help, I finally got a few with her eyes open:)

And one priceless tongue shot to end it off:)

After all that we decided it was time to go & Nathanael realized Ben hadn't held Kaitlyn yet! He got a quick cuddle in while the kids got their jackets on:)

Jodi's Birthday

We celebrated my sister, Jodi's birthday on New Years Day because she won't be here for her birthday in a few days. My mom had bought some cool candles that were attached by a string so that you just had to light one end & they all light. Jo wanted to light them herself because she thought it would be fun...and she knew it would bug her boyfriend:) She decided to light the string right in the middle so it would go both ways & was quite surprised by the result!


She still left one candle lit for Matt though...even though she was teasing him:)


The kids had a lot of fun watching the whole thing:)

Christmas is coming!

Well this last week has been a lot busier than I was originally hoping…but it’s been good! We’ve been baking like mad & just having fun hanging out at home. I also took some family pictures on Wednesday…quick before it got cold! We had been planning to go & get our Christmas tree today, but when the forecast started saying a high of -19 we thought we wouldn’t be taking the kids out in that! Ben was able to leave work a bit early on Wednesday & we headed out to the ranch to find our perfect treeJ Well…it isn’t so perfect…more uniqueJ

Thursday night was the sleepover with Elliotts. Benjamin’s prayers were answered…no one was sick! The kids had a BLAST!!! They came just after supper & played for a bit & then everyone got pjs on & we watched the cartoon version of “A Christmas Carol”. When I brought in popcorn & jujubes I was informed it was now the perfect sleepover! Alexis said they had been talking earlier that day of what happened at sleepovers…she had listed a movie & popcorn…but then added that they probably wouldn’t have popcorn, but that was OK. When I brought the popcorn she got all excited & said now it was the perfect sleepoverJ Made my day anywaysJ The kids all went to bed great & didn’t have any issues during the night. They were up bright & early having fun once again. I love watching all the games they make up together…they literally set up a town…there’s a store, a doctor, a hockey game…it’s so fun to watch! Friday morning the snow started here & they wanted to go play in it…so we bundled everyone up & out they went…once again had a blastJ Then it was inside for apple cider & lunch before their mom picked them up. It’s so too bad they won’t be doing that again for a long timeL…but I am soooo thankful we were able to do it before Elliotts leave!!!

One thing that baffled me a little….I got more done with 6 kids in the house than I do with 3! I think I’ve figured it out…it has to do with 2 things. First, they entertain each other…there’s way less running to Mommy needing something. Second, with 6 kids in the house I have more motivation & am way less inclined to sit at the computer & such for hours. So I’ll be working on that with only 3 kids in the house too!

This morning the kids & I braved the freezing cold to head to the church for the Christmas program practice. After that we brought our tree inside to decorate! Tonight was the Adult Christmas Banquet at church. I had asked Andrew to come watch the kids. When Sheri told me they didn’t have anyone to watch their kids I suggested bringing them over. Andrew is soooo good with kids & did just fine with all 6! It was great that they could play again…cramming in as much as we can before Thursday. All the kids were definitely ready for sleep though! For all of them this was #3 for late nights in a row…and tomorrow will be too because of the Christmas program! Thinking naps are in storeJ

The Christmas program was a blast. It’s always nice to get out of the house with no kids…it was special to go with Elliotts…we don’t get to do things with other couples very often. I really appreciated how the banquet was elegant yet simple. The room was decorated beautifully…made it feel like an adults only thingJ…the food was amazing! There was no big entertainment though…Pastor Kent & Jodi put on a game show…it was GREAT!! Everyone was laughing & to me that’s what’s important…to get out & have fun together as the McDougal Chapel family.

One thing that really touched me…at the end when people were getting desserts, visiting, & some getting ready to leave it was announced that the toilets were backing up & couldn’t be used. Shortly after the smell started to come into the basement. It was too bad, but everyone just kept on visiting which I thought was cool! What touched me though was when we were leaving…our Governing Board Chairman, who’s “duties” often go unnoticed I think…was walking back into the church, heading to the bathroom with rubber boots on. Just that he was so willing to do that for all of us…I’m sure he won’t rest tonight till it’s ready for church tomorrow. Thank you Les…you are a blessing to all of us around you!

At the end (before the whole bathroom issue, but I wanted to write this last), Jason read the Christmas story & talked about how we need to take the light of Jesus & pass it on. They had candles on the tables for each person…turned out all the lights…then Jason lit one candle at each of the tables at the front & then each person had to pass it on. It was so cool to watch & a great tangible reminder of how when we shine Jesus light it spreads! By the time all the candles were lit it was brighter in the room than it had been with just the candle centerpieces & Christmas lights around the room! I’m so thankful for the salvation story that was set in motion that day when Jesus was born…and God did that for ME! So hard to believe that if there was no one else on earth he still would have come just for me! Thank you Jesus!

A busy week...

It’s been a really busy week around here! On Monday I headed off for my payday shopping trip…with no kids! It has been such a treat having Lane & Sheri living so close & so willing to keep the kids for me on short notice! I will definitely miss them (not just for the babysitting either! J). Speaking of that…we have less than a month left with them here…L…trying to use every opportunity we canJ.

Tuesday night Ben went to a Flames game with a bunch of guys from our church…and yes for those of you who were wondering…he was cheering for ColoradoJ Wednesday brought Kid Connection…the second last one till the new year! That’s hard to believe…but it will be a welcome break.

I just realized that I completely forgot to blog this…2 weeks ago, Ben brought home a deer for us! I’m very excited to have good meat in the freezer again! Anyways…it’s been hanging in the garage for nearly 2 weeks, so we decided we just had to do it…even if it was late. L So Wednesday night when Ben got home he started butchering…I got home from Kid Connection & got kids to bed…and a bit of clean up around the house. Then it was time for my part of the job…this is the 7^th time we’ve done this together I believe…so we have a system worked outJ Ben cuts all the meat off the bone & puts it in a bowl…then I sit & pick off any hair that’s left & cut it into smaller pieces…Ben takes the pieces & works his muscles to grind themJ Then it’s bagging it all & cleaning up! We ended up with about 30 lbs of meat…which will be gone much sooner than I’d like…but we’ll enjoy every bit! Finally done, we got to bed around 2:30 am…very tired!

Yesterday was a busy day too…my sister Trina came over to help me clean house & teach the kids to clean house. I’ve been wanting to get the kids doing more, but before they can do it you have to train them…but to train 3 at once is tricky to say the least. It worked really well with Trina! First everyone picked up all the toys…then I took 2 kids to start on bathrooms (they rotate doing tub, sink, & toilet)…Trina took the 3^rd kid to their bedroom (Benjamin did our room) to vacuum & mop the floor…then they switched. Then Trina & I vacuumed & mopped the rest of the house & I dusted a little. It was all done in 3 hours! I was very pleased with how cheerfully the kids worked…and how clean my house was!

Yesterday evening I had a Norwex party here. I’ve always hated home parties…but when a friend of mine told me about Norwex I thought I’d go to a party & find out what it was about. (My aunt had told me about it a while back so I had a wee bit of info, but without hearing the whole presentation was pretty skeptical.) I was completely sold! I’m super excitedJ…but if you want to know more you’ll have to talk to me! Anyway, my party went really well…I was able to get a lot more free stuff than I expected, which is always a bonus! It was fun just to have people in my house! I’ve always loved hosting & having people in my home, but since we moved into this house I’ve found it really hard to do because it’s so small.

Tonight we’re having the Elliott kids over for a sleepover! My kids are sooooo excited! They’ve never had a sleepover before, so this is extra special. Tomorrow Benjamin has a hockey game in Torrington…kind of strange…last year they only planned one game at the end of the year…and now we have to travel (he’s on the same team)…ah well…I’m sure he’ll have a blast! So that’s our busy week! Sunday will be a wonderful quiet day at homeJ…& looking forward to next week not being as busy!

ND...a very special program for a very special girl

So I just spent an hour writing a letter to someone I’ve never met, but that I was connected with because we have something in common…we both have a child with a speech delay. Those of you who have gotten my updates since we got married have heard all about Amanda’s adventuresJ…but if you haven’t, I thought it would be worth copy & pasting this so that you know a little of what we’re doing with her. If you know of someone who can benefit from this please feel free to pass it on…and send any questions my wayJ

I think the easiest thing is for me to just tell you a little bit of what happened with Amanda…

We started noticing a delay when Amanda was around 18 months old…but weren’t overly concerned. We had an assessment done by the speech therapist & she suggested that I take a class that taught the parents ways to encourage speech (instead of doing therapy with the child). She was 2 before this class ran, but I got some great tips…Manda’s words went from one word to about 5… but her delay continued. Between the time that she was just over 2 till she was about 3 ½ she had a hearing test done to rule that out (hearing fine, but more about that in a minute). She also had an assessment done for gross & fine motor skills….I highly doubted either of these was an issue, but we wanted to rule out something more “involved”. Also during this time she did a couple of rounds of speech therapy.

I found speech very overwhelming pretty much from the beginning. The therapist worked with her once a week & I was supposed to take “homework” to do with her…plus constantly “correcting” her (when she would attempt to say something I was supposed to put it into words so she could hear what it should be). With 3 kids 5 & under at this point I was maxed. I hated feeling like I always had to correct her. I didn’t fully realize till later what I was feeling…but I feel like I didn’t get to enjoy her in that year because I was always “getting after” her.

To talk briefly about apraxia because I know you mentioned it…the speech therapist gave me a bunch of “symptoms” to try & figure out it that’s what Manda had, but really no one knew. For a while she thought Manda did…and for a bit it was actually a relief to me because I felt like if something’s causing it then we can figure out how to attack it & fix it. Then it sunk in how long apraxia could affect her & I didn’t want to believe it. (In the end the ND said she doesn’t have apraxia…however they still could have helped her if she had.)

Allow me to switch stories for a moment…a few years before all of this my mom had started doing a neurodevelopmental program with my brother (11ish at the time) for some learning issues. He was behind socially & having a horrible time learning to read. I knew when my mom started this but I pretty my scoffed it (I’m ashamed to say)…because it didn’t make any sense. My brother did (among other things) these exercises on the floor…I’m sitting there wondering how on earth this is supposed to help him learn to read. As time passed my mom explained a bit more here & there of how it worked. I came to accept it for my brother…but when Amanda’s issues came up & my mom would say she wished she could do it with Amanda…I brushed it off. Then a day came when something hit me. For all of my brother’s life he had been my little brother…I the second mom (I’m 12 years older than him)…then one day I realized…I feel like now he’s my brother & we can be friends! It didn’t happen that suddenly, I know it happened over time, but I also know that he grew up about 3 years within a year or so & it did hit me that suddenly that wow, we can be friends! It was at that point I fully believed in what the program can do. I still however, didn’t see how it could help Amanda.

A while later (I can’t remember the time line of all this) I hit bottom with speech therapy. I was discouraged, hated not being able to enjoy my only daughter, hated making her feel like she did it all wrong, hated feeling like I was supposed to be doing this “24/7”…never doing it that much, but always having it hanging over my head…etc, etc. It was on this day that God brought to mind my brother & all my mom’s comments through the years…and suddenly it clicked. I realized (ie: God revealed) that this whole time with speech therapy we’d been dealing with the “symptoms”…just trying to teach her the sounds so she could communicate. But really we weren’t touching the cause of it all…no one really talked about that (other than mentioning apraxia at the beginning). I realized that the ND (neurodevelopement therapy) focused on the cause (more in a minute)…it went to the root of the problem & let it fix itself instead of trying to just patch the symptoms.

So what’s the cause? Here it is the way my simplistic brain can understand it…J All of our brains have many connections (no idea on the number…probably thousands…for sure hundreds)…from one area of the brain to the next, here to there, etc. Sometimes, for whatever reason, we don’t have all the right connections & it causes different issues…in Amanda’s case…speech delay. So what ND does is work at creating the missing brain connections. Don’t ask me how they know what to do to create the right connections…I just know they’ve studied it & it worksJ I called my mom, talked to her…talked to Ben…we decided to spend the money to help her…called the lady that my mom dealt with (Sylvia). At this point I had pretty much prepared myself to have to drive to Washington with Amanda to have her assessed. There are only a couple of these people in Canada (the one my mom dealt with is in Okotoks, but she’s not yet qualified to do the little kids). I called Sylvia…and she tells me that they’ve just finished arranging for Cyndi (one who’s qualified) to start coming to Okotoks twice a year to evaluate the little kids & I could book right away! Talk about God’s timingJ

We cancelled speech therapy & met with Cyndi for the first time in May 07 (Manda was 3 ½). I had questions, uncertainties, frustrations…but there were a couple of things that thrilled me the most. I was looking at having to work with Amanda ½ hour-45 min Mon-Fri (spread out throughout the day) and that was it! There wasn’t any of this 24/7 nonsense. To make that even better…in the list of things to do with her, there wasn’t even one thing that had anything to do with practicing talking! (Her program now has one thing where we practice “L” words, but that’s it) To make it even better things that I knew were there, but never dreamed I could fix, they recognized & are now almost non-issues! (Sever nail biting, super sensitive skin, super sensitive to hair brushing to list a few)

I said I’d write more about the hearing test. I found out from Cyndi, that an audiologist can say a child’s hearing is fine, but they can still have issues. Amanda can hear…but she can’t hear certain tones (she can’t necessarily tell how close someone is, that kind of thing) which affects speech. They test this with a special hearing test called a tympanogram.

The way their program works is that the child is reassessed every 4 months…at this point Cyndi only comes to Canada twice a year so that’s what it is for Amanda. She has had 2 re-assessments since that first one & both times they’ve noticed big improvements (behavioral & speech gains…despite not practicing speech!). Those are very important because although we usually notice a bit of change each time, most of it is so gradual that we don’t see it till we talk to Cyndi & she says, “What about this….is she still doing that?” And we realize…no she stopped (or vice versa)! Now I know you’re thinking that obviously a child is going to grow & change in 6 months….please believe me when I say that she progressed way more than is normal in a 6 month period!

Basically I would say that yes, it’s expensive. If there’s any way you can afford it…is it worth it? Absolutely! If you decide to go ahead & have questions (or don’t go ahead & have questionsJ) please feel free to email me!!! If I had not had my mom here who had done it before I don’t know if I would have continued…there were times when I was frustrated…but it makes all the difference to be able to talk to someone who’s been there!

One last thing to clarify…we’re not doing this with Amanda because she’s not good enough or we don’t love her the way she is!! On the contrary…we believe that God has great things in store for our Amanda Ruth & we’re going to do our part to make sure that she can live that out to the fullest!

Here’s the link to the website for the organization that we’re dealing with: http://www.icando.org (Very briefly about this organization…it’s a Christian organization…I went with it because my mom had researched extensively when she started with my brother (more on that later) & ended up saying there weren’t even any of the other Christian ones that she “liked”…she had very specific reasons, but I can’t remember what right now)

Rest...and now on to a new week

We had a wonderfully relaxing day yesterday. Sundays we’ve always tried not to plan too much…we need that day to regroup, relax, & prepare for the week. We’ve had a number of busy Sundays lately though so it was especially nice to just stick around home yesterday.

Ben played his first hockey of the season last night. It’s always a bit of a tough time for me. Hockey gives Ben somewhere to vent frustration & whatnot, so he’s usually more relaxed once hockey starts. At the same time though, he’s more tired because hockey is so late…and I have to get used to no husband a few evenings a week. Once we get into the swing of it I really don’t mind that much because I get a few hours to myself to catch up on things….it’s just those busy weeks when something’s up nearly every night that it’s hard. Anyways…all that babble to say I’m in that adjusting stage againJ

Today is the first day we’re doing our full school schedule. I had left science & social until I got into the swing of things with school, Kid Connection, etc. It’s gone pretty good so far. Just a little bit left to do. Amanda’s program has been a bit of a struggle lately. She has to be in a good mood or it’s just torture. I’m hoping it’ll get better now if I can be more consistent so she knows what to expect. Kirby has had some attitude today, but I’ve been working at adjusting how I deal with it & it seems to be helping! Thanks Lord for giving me wisdom!

Well, I think that’s all I have for right now…seems pretty boring…sorry, you’ll have to bear with me as I get this all figured outJ